i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
