i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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