My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
