Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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