I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
