Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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