You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
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