So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
