I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
