We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Oh god it's open bar.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
