you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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