You're a womanizer and a bitch.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
