nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
