Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
