Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
