i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
