I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
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