I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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