Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
