I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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