Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
