so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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