I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
