And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize