my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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