I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
