omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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