Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
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