So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
