did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
