Your dad touched me again.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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