thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
