Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
