he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
