Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
