I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
