I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
