Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
