Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
