Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
