I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
