And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
