Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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