He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
should my penis look like a turkey
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
