So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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