I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
