DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
So many bounce houses so little time
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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