You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
