Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
