cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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