I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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