In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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