im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
