Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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