I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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