everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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