Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
