we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize