I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
