I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
