so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
