pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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