none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
