I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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