remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize