Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
